Social Confirmation

I find it interesting that, as humans, we have such a deep, deep need for acknowledgement and reassurance of our beliefs. I mean that, as we go through out day when we get a result in our life that we didn’t expect, such as a disapproval from a boss or a loved one, where received an outcome different from what we anticipated, then we have a deep yearning for validation or closure on the situation to explain why. It goes back to how we adapt and develop within a society.

Nonetheless, as we seek out validation and approval for our thoughts and our patterns, or at the very lease a kind explanation of why we are wrong.  We seek out that validation. It drives us nuts because our morality has been disrupted. The results we anticipated were not there, so what’s the explanation. So, that’s fine, and once we find people to reassure us, we collaborate with them and receive the reassurance or explanation of the difference in results.

The downside to that is that we associate only with like-minded people when we only receive the reassurance.  I mean that it’s a good thing when you’re honest, and it’s a bad thing when you’re not. When you’re lying to yourself about your intentions or about what the results were, logically and realistically, you’re going to find other people who are lying as well. If you believe a problem occurred simply because of everybody else, that’s fine if that’s true. But if it’s not, you’re going to surround yourself with liars as well. So you have to be careful when you seek your reassurance, that you’re actually honest and true.

I’ve been pondering this because I have a dear friend whom I consider to be absolutely wrong in his words and actions to an indescribable level of offense. I found myself with a desire to reach out to a mutual friend to get him on board, to tell him the wrongs that our friend has done. Then I pondered why I would want to do that. That’s when I realized my internal need for reassurance.

The other problem with creating those groups of reassurance is that it creates tribes. When we create tribes, we create separations with others. So as my thought played through in my desire to reach out to my other friend for reassurance that I am right and the other friend is wrong, I realized in my selfish desire for  reassurance I would be creating a possible separation between them.

I’m working on being a good man. I don’t want to be selfish. I know in my heart that I am right, and that friend is wrong, and I do desire reassurance. I’m going to try to do what’s right this time.


God Bless

Live Without Fear

Search for your truth. The key to happiness.

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